First Meeting with Nefesh B' Nefesh...FAIL!

I'd like to be able to report that it went well and that we are giddy with excitement however, sadly this is not the case. I am very put off and underwhelmed with their choice of representative. Due to the fact that our English last name is extremely common, she didn't believe that we're really Jewish and even acted as though my husband's certificate of conversion was fake. Though she still couldn't deny it herself due to having it right there in her very own hands. However, that did not stop her from basically accusing me of being an anti-Semite and being delusional in thinking and stating that I am a Jew. Curious....how is it that an anti-Semite dresses modestly and covers her head and is OBVIOUSLY and OPENLY Jewish?? Though she lacks the right to pass judgement on me, I will let Hashem deal with her as that is now between them. Anyways, besides that, we really didn't come away from the meeting with any further information that we didn't already have. Not to mention the fact that she refused to give us the aliyah planning book which was sitting right beside her on the table. So that doesn't really help us any either. At this point I figure I will need to go ahead and legally change my name to my Hebrew name and my husband as well. Apply for a new passport, change my driver's license, and so on. What a hassle that will become. That's just ONE of the multitude of hoops that we have to jump through. But jump through them we must, so jump through them we will.

I think I'm more angry and offended about the fact that was I accused of being something I am not and being denied that I am who and what I am than anything else. However, we are about to fix that. Despite living in an area where there are no temples or any other Jews, we will have to start breaking the rule of no driving on Shabbat in order to attend a temple about an hour away from here. The representative said that if a Rabbi writes a letter saying that I've been in the Jewish community for a year and am indeed Jewish, that then they will accept my status and can make aliyah. Otherwise, I could go to Israel with my husband but only as a permanent resident and a non Israeli and a non Jew. This of course is NOT good enough for me! After all of the garbage I have been through in my life I feel as though I deserve to be acknowledged for who and what I am and validated! I will not take anything less, nor should I. So starting this weekend which is Purim, we will be attending Shul with our three children and pray that they don't manage to humiliate us by acting in the same kind of manner that they do upon other public outings.

I strongly believe that the representative was hoping that if she set the bar high enough that we would decide that it couldn't be reached and would give up allowing more room for more "members of the Jewish club" Jews. Boy, is she in for a disappointment when we come back to them with all of our i's dotted and our t's crossed. As I told her, when it comes to making aliyah, it's not "if" it's "when". So we will do everything necessary and we will be boarding that plane to our new home..excuse the phrase..come hell or high water. I'm sure that my husband will have more to say about all of this on his blog once he writes it as he is just as angry and frustrated as I am. Without further ado...here is his blog.

Why make aliyah?

I was brought up in the catholic church and we attended mass every Sunday. I never really understood the details of Catholicism but I knew it didn't make much sense to me to just re-do the last supper of Jesus Christ every Sunday. What else were we to learn about him if that's all they wanted to focus on. But being terrified of my abusive father I was too afraid to go against it so off to church I quietly went. Over the years, I tried to please my father by taking special classes at church so I could become the cross bearer. He seemed to be proud of me the first time I got to carry the cross down the aisle, however just a couple days later I of course had to endure another one of his beatings. As I got older and around age ten I think it was, I began to think to myself "If he's so religious and obedient to G-d then how can he keep beating me for no reason and never lay a finger on either of my siblings?". I then became very confused. The stories of Christ's miracles became to become more of just that..stories. I found myself slipping farther and farther away from christianity all together.

My parents divorced when I was 14. After a very long and nasty custody battle my brother went to live with my father and my sister and I with my mother. That was the time that my mother began to enjoy her new found freedom more than she should and when my depression began in full swing. The more I tried to reach out to my mother for help the more she pushed me away. The more I resorted to those I felt cared about me, ie my best friends and my boyfriend at the time. Though my mother still hauled my sister and I off to church every Sunday, I no longer bought into it. At 16 I became pregnant with my oldest son. At that time the youth pastor found out and basically condemned me for it. I asked for forgiveness but much to my horror they were not so quick to give it. It was then that my eyes were opened to the fact that christianity is more about preaching and less about walking the walk. From there on out, my view on G-d changed.

Over the years I began to doubt that G-d was even real or existed. But I still tried to do right by my son and raise him as best I could. My son's father was not in the picture because he became physically abusive with me too and I had him arrested after he hit me and it was then that I got a restraining order against him and moved away. I was a single mother for a long time.

Another reason I fell away from G-d and christianity back then was at age 2 my son suddenly regressed horribly and was finally diagnosed with Autism at age 3. I was so confused and angry with G-d that he could let this happen to me after everything I had been through. It was then that I wrote G-d off for good. I became agnostic. I continued to struggle with depression and self harming off and on for many years. I finally became fully healed from it as of mid to late 2008. When I met my husband. It wasn't because of him either really. I had been in counseling at that time and was finishing up and was still on my meds too but wanted to start weening off at that point. We married January 2, 2009. I began to re-think G-d's existence. I was always curious about Judaism as it seemed to always be so off-limits to us due to my parents' religious beliefs. I decided to explore it more as my husband told me about it and helped educate me. A few months later, I converted to Judaism and here I am. However, after having researched my family tree since then I learned that my relatives on my maternal grandmother's side where Jewish too. So I was already Jewish and didn't know it. How neat! :)


As my darling husband implied, I too should state my reasoning for wanting to make aliyah.

For starters, as was stated by my husband, Yehonatan, my side of the family has members who..hmmm..how to put this politely..aren't the best influences nor examples of sane and successful adulthood. I am determined to keep this from becoming a gripe fest so I will simply say that I do not like nor want to be around many of my family members especially the female ones. I can't trust them as far as I can throw them and that definitely is not the kind of influence that I want my boys exposed to or learning from.

While I dream of big things, I dream also of a simple life with some nice things and to simply be loved and be happy. I want my children to learn this too. In a place like America, we teach big (expensive) cars, big house, big money, and trophy women. It's disgraceful. I don't want my kids seeking these things as they journey into the world once the leave the safety of home.

My boys have already begun to have a sense of greed and wanting the expensive cars and more toys and lots of "me me me". Americans by and large are very self centered and in this society, it's what is taught. The golden rule is never upheld even by parents. I'd rather they learn that the best things in life cannot be bought. Rather than thinking that only lots of things is what will make them happy.

I believe that in order to give our kids the best possible chance that the best option for our family is one of higher moral standing. To surround them with people who care more about other people. Being around others who share our beliefs and our ways would benefit them better than what they are exposed to here. Another big difference is that America is all about money and less about the people whereas Israel is more about the people and not as much so about the money. The aliyah program proves it.

I also feel that being around other Jews full time would benefit my husband and I more as well. We would be able to meet others who share not only our religious beliefs but characteristics as well. We can share our shabbat with other families and provide our kids with much more of a community setting than what they have here.
I'm excited to bring up my youngest son up in a place where all he will remember and know is life in Israel.


I too long for the homeland. I long to be close to my own people and heritage. I want to be where no one will judge me for covering my head. Where I don't ever have to worry about my family being persecuted for our religious beliefs. I believe it's where G-d is calling us to be. Not to mention the beauty of the place. I also can't help but look forward to being close to the beach in Tel Aviv.


I know that the cost of living there is higher and that life isn't necessarily always going to be easier, however it will be better anyways. Of course I expect Israel to have it's own set of problems. Every country has some of some kind. No one is perfect. It's perfect enough for us though. I look forward to arriving "home" with my family in about 2 - 3 years.